The CIA has released recordings from the inside of James Ashby’s head in which Pauline Hanson’s chief of staff can be heard conspiring with himself to charge One Nation members vastly inflated prices for rolls of cheap aluminium foil.
“We wanted to buy good quality Alfoil from Coles but James insisted we had to buy his shoddy home made foil at twice the price,” said West Australian One Nation candidate Herbert Flatearth. “I was very disappointed when the stylish homburg hat I made from it fell apart the first time I wore it out.”
“Ironically it was the poor quality of his tinfoil that allowed me to make the recording of his thoughts,” said CIA Agent 42 from his hiding place inside Mr Ashby’s microwave oven. “If he’d worn a sombrero made from proper heavy duty Gladfoil I’d never have been able to monitor his brain waves and learn about his scam.”
The CIA believed the microwave was the best place to monitor Mr Ashby’s thoughts as he was not prepared to open it up to take a look inside due to the danger of putting aluminium foil inside the oven.
“I was just tossing a few ideas around inside my head about how to secure the long term finances of the party,” admitted Ashby. “I hope they didn’t hear the bit where I was conspiring to use the One Nation private plane to spread chemtrails.”