Much loved health education mascot Healthy Harold has been arrested after a long night bingeing on alcoholic shots, donuts and illicit drugs following the news that his planned budget cut has been reversed.

“We were following up reports that a tall, brown and orange spotted individual with prominent eyelashes had been witnessed train surfing on the Illawarra line around midnight,” said Police constable Damian Plod. “We apprehended the suspect on the footpath out the front of the home of Hector the Road Safety Cat in a belligerent mood ‘yelling ‘Come out and fight me you pussy” to the occupant.”

Healthy Harold had earlier walked out halfway through a presentation on health and safety at Penshurst North Primary School after receiving a phone call to say his funding had been cut.

“He muttered something about hating kids and hoping they’d all fall off their skateboards and graze their frigging elbows,” said startled teacher Jane Chalktoss. “He then went straight to the tuckshop and ordered the biggest packet of salt and vinegar chips and a cream bun.”

It is believed that Healthy Harold’s funding was fully restored after Education Minister Simon Birmingham received a late night visit from Healthy Harold’s cousin Hurty Henry the Intimidating Rhino.

Peter Green
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Categories: News

Tags: Drugs, drunk, healthy harold, Peter Green, The unAustralian, train surfing