International drug smuggling gangs have joined the call for a royal commission into the banking sector after being forced to pay the Commonwealth Bank outrageously high fees for each money laundering transaction.
“It sucks that they charge us $1.50 each time we use one of their intelligent deposit machines, but what really gets on my tits is when we get slugged an extra $2 if we try to launder money through one of the generic intelligent deposit machines down at the pub,” said crime gang accountant Bob Green. “Its freaking annoying to have to push the yes button to say we understand that we may get charged that extra fee every time we simply want to launder a little drug cash.”
AUSTRAC estimates that the CBA has earned close to $81K from over 54,000 illegal transactions, enough money to cover the banks pen chain budget for the financial year.
“The good news is that terrorist organisations have stopped using the CBA because they no longer give away those plastic elephant shaped money boxes,” said AUSTRAC international security analyst Rachel Lazenby. “It’s believed Osama bin Laden started accumulating his multi million dollar fortune when he opened a Dollarmites account back in the 1980s.”