I’d Have Won World War 2 Single Handedly Says Trump

President Trump has disclosed that had he been around at the time he would definitely have won World War 2 all by himself.

“You don’t really know how you would respond until you’ve been put in a situation, but I’d like to think that if I’d been around in 1944 I’d have stormed the beaches of Normandy a few hours ahead of everyone else on D-Day and punched the lights out of thousands of Nazis,” said the Commander in Chief from atop a chair in the oval office that he’d jumped on to to get away from a mouse. “If I was Superman I’d have stayed behind and held the planet Krypton together with my bare hands after it exploded rather than let my parents put me in a rocket ship and blast my infant self off into space.”

The President also outlined how he would have patched up the hole in the Titanic with a combover and rescued all the drowning passengers, and speculated on how he would have surfed to safety on the back of a shark had he been caught in the 2004 Tsunami.

“In 4.5 billion years when the sun goes supernova I’ll be there holding a super giant fire extinguisher to keep the earth from being consumed by fire,” speculated Mr Trump as he peeked cautiously through a window watching secret service agents safely removing a strange dog from the grounds of the White House. “It’s such a pity that I had an ingrown toenail or something during the Vietnam war otherwise I’d have been out on patrol every night giving the Viet Cong a load of Larry Dooley.”

Peter Green

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Categories: World

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