The government has ordered the immediate recall of millions of defective Michaelia Cashes after the spectacular self combustion of one of the units almost caused fatal damage to its owner.
“These things could go off at the least bit of provocation showering everyone in the vicinity with shrapnel,” reported expert politician mechanic Bryce Gearstick from the ACCC. “I’d advise everyone to check the list of Federal senators and if yours is a Michaelia Cash I’d give myself a swift uppercut to the face and then take it back to the manufacturer for replacement.”
A faulty Michaelia Cash caused extensive damage to the career of one of its staffers last November after going off way too early to the media about a raid on the offices of a trade union.
Not all Michaelia Cash owners are looking to trade theirs in for a less explosive model.
“Bill Shorten is really hoping for another one to explode as soon as possible,” said Labor Party election strategist Marjorie Corflute. “We’ve been desperately trying to get Bill involved in a sex scandal for years now in the hope of finally making him interesting.”
Shorten was spotted in his garage late last night poking his Michaelia Cash with a stick and muttering something about this being his “Kevin Rudd Goes To A Strip Club” moment that accidentally makes him appear human.