‘Dry July’ Epidemic Has Man Panicking About Prospects For Weekend Drinks

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All week, 31-year-old accounts manager Brad Manning has watched his Facebook feed with growing despair as friend-after-friend has enthusiastically declared their commitment to “Dry July”. Now, with Friday knock off rapidly approaching, Mr Manning has been left entirely unsure who’s left to get on the piss with this weekend.

“Jesus christ, not Matty too,” Mr Manning sighed as, taking time off from the tasks his employer pays him to complete, he noted a Facebook declaration of one month’s sobriety to help raise funds for cancer sufferers from a renowned pisshead that he hadn’t noticed before. “This is insane! Who’s left?”

“Of course I care about fighting cancer,” Mr Manning said, as he wondering who was left among his acquaintances he could pressure into joining him in abusing his body by consuming large quantities of a known carcinogenic. “But it’s end of the financial year and my accounts job is full on! I don’t want to numb the pain alone.”

As 5pm drew closer, Mr Manning was reluctantly weighing up asking Jimmy, the boring prat from IT, if he wanted to go for a beer, despite the inevitability of being subjected to a monologue on gaming.

Carlo Sands

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Categories: Business

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