Former deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has revealed that he was shocked to learn that no one in any of the 356 Kmart stores that he visited actually cared at all about him or his new book, Weatherboard and Iron.
“I was stunned honestly. I expected to be mobbed and for my book to be literally flying off the shelves,” said a desolate Barnaby Joyce. “But every store I visited nothing, there was no one asking for autographs or even wanting me to submit to a paternity test.”
“I don’t know what to do, I’ve got to sell books. I have families and an ego to feed.”
When asked what was next Barnaby Joyce replied: “Well I reckon I’ll spend the rest of the year trying to flog this book. If the Kmart visits don’t work then maybe I’ll leak a sex tape. Worked for the Kardshians.”
Then next year I have big plans. Hopefully I’ll be appearing on I’m a celebrity get me out of here and Love Island and oh yeah there’s an election in there somewhere as well.”