A devastated Australian Cricket team has had to go back to the drawing board in their plans for winning this year’s Ashes contest after learning that Bunnings hardware had closed their European operations.

“This is quite a set back for the team, I mean when we shop at Bunnings they always give us a trade discount,” said a Team Insider. “Not sure what we will do now. You don’t know of any hardware shops in or around Birmingham do you?”

“I mean we could always fly some in from Australia but that may take days.”

When asked why locating a hardware shop was vital to the team’s Ashes campaign the Insider said: “Oh come on, really? How else are we meant to get the ball to swing?”

“Sure we could do what the poms do and suck on sweets but by the end of a 5 test series we’d run the risk of our slips cordon developing diabetes.”

The Australia England Ashes series will be televised live on Channel 9 from August 1st. The coverage will be spearheaded by Todd Woodbridge, Kerry Anne Kennerly and Humphrey B Bear.

Mark Williamson
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Categories: Sport

Tags: Barmy Army, Ben Stokes, Birmingham, Bunnings, Cameron Bancroft, Channel 9, cheating, Cricket Ashes, David Warner, Edgbaston, Humphrey B Bear, Lords, Michael Clarke, Old TRafford, Sandpapergate, Shane Warne, Stephen Smith, Todd Woodbridge