The National Rifle Association (NRA) has announced that it plans to provide every American citizen with enough ‘thoughts and prayers’ to help keep them safe during the next inevitable mass shooting.
“We here at the NRA are listening to the people and what we are hearing is a call for more thoughts and prayers,” said an NRA Spokesperson. “In times of tragedy, it’s best for thoughts and prayers.”
“We pray that people will move on and think about something else.”
When asked why provide thoughts and prayers and not say maybe gun control the NRA Spokesperson said: “Hey, this is not the time, don’t try and politicise a tragedy.”
Questioned when is the time to discuss gun control given there seems to be a new mass shooting every other day the Spokesperson said: “We do not want to politicise tragedies, it just happens that every other day there is a mass shooting.”
“So we will have to wait until they stop till we consider any form of discussion on how we shouldn’t have any form of gun control.”
All Americans will receive their thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks, months and decades ahead.