After the recent terror attack on the streets of Sydney, the Federal Government announced a new study to be conducted by the CSIRO to discover tell-tale signs of possible future psychopaths. 

Talking exclusively to the (un)Australian, Head Boffin at the CSIRO Dr Higgs Boson said that initial research uncovered some startling facts: “The number 1 sign of a Psychopath is that they eat Kit-Kats without breaking off the individual fingers. They just bite straight into it, like they’re eating a Mars Bar, it’s just horrific”

 The research also found some other warning signs of Psychopathy included: 

• Enjoying the pickles on Macca’s hamburgers. 
• Not rounding the petrol pump up to the nearest dollar.
• Eating KFC with a knife and fork.
• Proudly wearing Crocs in public. 
• Going to the coffee shop, to drink coffee, no phone, no iPad, no book,  just drinking coffee.
• Ex contestants from MAFS.
• Anyone called Trevor.

The CSIRO also uncovered some DNA anomalies in people who exhibited psychotic traits, Dr Higgs Boson told the (un)Australian: “That people who insist on going to the toilet with the door open are just animals”

 Gus W Templeton

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Categories: Science

Tags: auspol, Barnaby Joyce, coffee, Crocs, CSIRO, KFC, Kit Kat, Knife and Fork, MAFS, Not Right, Pickles, psychopath, science, Study, Trevor