After the recent terror attack on the streets of Sydney, the Federal Government announced a new study to be conducted by the CSIRO to discover tell-tale signs of possible future psychopaths.
Talking exclusively to the (un)Australian, Head Boffin at the CSIRO Dr Higgs Boson said that initial research uncovered some startling facts: “The number 1 sign of a Psychopath is that they eat Kit-Kats without breaking off the individual fingers. They just bite straight into it, like they’re eating a Mars Bar, it’s just horrific”
The research also found some other warning signs of Psychopathy included:
- Enjoying the pickles on Macca’s hamburgers.
- Not rounding the petrol pump up to the nearest dollar.
- Eating KFC with a knife and fork.
- Proudly wearing Crocs in public.
- Going to the coffee shop, to drink coffee, no phone, no iPad, no book, just drinking coffee.
- Ex contestants from MAFS.
- Anyone called Trevor.
The CSIRO also uncovered some DNA anomalies in people who exhibited psychotic traits, Dr Higgs Boson told the (un)Australian: “That people who insist on going to the toilet with the door open are just animals”
Gus W Templeton