Study Finds That People Who Eat Kit Kats Without Breaking The Fingers Are Likely Psychopaths

Kit Kat

After the recent terror attack on the streets of Sydney, the Federal Government announced a new study to be conducted by the CSIRO to discover tell-tale signs of possible future psychopaths. 

Talking exclusively to the (un)Australian, Head Boffin at the CSIRO Dr Higgs Boson said that initial research uncovered some startling facts: “The number 1 sign of a Psychopath is that they eat Kit-Kats without breaking off the individual fingers. They just bite straight into it, like they’re eating a Mars Bar, it’s just horrific”

 The research also found some other warning signs of Psychopathy included: 

  • Enjoying the pickles on Macca’s hamburgers. 
  • Not rounding the petrol pump up to the nearest dollar.
  • Eating KFC with a knife and fork.
  • Proudly wearing Crocs in public. 
  • Going to the coffee shop, to drink coffee, no phone, no iPad, no book,  just drinking coffee.
  • Ex contestants from MAFS.
  • Anyone called Trevor.

The CSIRO also uncovered some DNA anomalies in people who exhibited psychotic traits, Dr Higgs Boson told the (un)Australian: “That people who insist on going to the toilet with the door open are just animals”

 Gus W Templeton

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Categories: Science

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