Former Rugby player turned self-appointed hell, fire and brimstone preacher Israel Folau has stubbed his toe and immediately repented to the Lord for once watching an episode of the TV show Queer Eye For A Straight Guy.

“The Lord moves in mysterious ways,” said Folau. “I know that the pain and temporary suffering I am currently enduring in my toe is due to that episode of Queer eye  that I once watched.”

“Likewise I know that my career is currently suffering a set back as when I was playing rugby, sometimes my eyes did wander a little too long in the change rooms. But everything will be fine I have repented.”

When asked why he was constantly attacking people in the LGBTI community Folau said: “Oh no I’m not attacking them I’m sending them love.”

“I want them to join me in the sanctity of my church or my little closet as it’s known and repress down those feelings, get down on their knees and pray the gay away.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me it’s time for me to get down on my knees and pray for Alan Jones.”

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Sport

Tags: auspol, Bushfires, christian, Gay, god, Hell, Israel Folau, LGBTI, Queer Eye For The STraight Guy, rugby