Alan Jones Asks The Nation’s Ladies To Put Out Their Tea Towels In Honour Of His Retirement


Retiring shock jock Alan Jones has called upon Australia’s women to take a moment out of their usual day of housework to put out their tea towels in honour of his retirement.

“I think you will find that no one has been as encouraging of women in this country than myself,” said Alan Jones. ”So, I think it is the least that they can do, putting out their tea towels in my honour.”

”If they time their day right, they can put the tea towels out to dry after they’ve washed up the breakfast dishes.”

When asked if he ever regretted the way he had treated women in the past, most notably former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard and current New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, Mr Jones said: ”Regrets – I’ve had a few. But not about how I’ve ever spoken to anybody.”

”Women need to realise that when I say something, it’s to help them. Whether it be by putting a sock in their mouth or simply telling them what their dad died from.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to tell the Prime Minister to lift the restrictions so that the people of Australia can fete me with a parade.”

Mark Williamson 


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