The Reserve Bank of Australia has ruled that all mortgage holders in Australia must receive a kick to the groin each month in a move that is designed to put a hold on inflation.

”We saw yesterday with Valentine’s day people buying presents and going out for dinner which doesn’t help inflation at all,” said an RBA Spokesperson,. ”A kick in the groin will temper these desires and hopefully get people to stop spending.”

”Of course, land lords will be able to pass on the kick to tenants.”

When asked why the RBA seemingly hated the people of Australia and wanted to see them suffer, the Spokesperson said: ”We don’t hate people we just know that in order to kill the God that is inflation, we need to make a few sacrifices.”

”In the old days people used to sacrifice virgins, but there are very few, if any virgin homeowners, so we have to use other means.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, our boss is appearing before estimates today and I better get some soothing balm in case they take to him with the warm lettuce.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Business

Tags: auspol, Insiders, interest rates, Kick In The Groin, Mortgage, Mortgage Holders, Philip Lowe, QandA, RBA, Real Estate Agents, REnt, Reserve Bank of Australia, Senate Estimates, Sky News, Tenants, Valentine's Day