The world’s conspiracy nutbags are abuzz with excitement after US space agency NASA announced it would be faking its first moon landing since the early 1970s.
“Back when we first faked the moon landing we did it with a computing capacity of less than the average digital watch so there were one or two glitches but with today’s mega computers at our disposal we’ll definitely be able to get the shadows at the correct angle,” said NASA spokesperson Ross Wellington. “Obviously we’re still not in any position to launch a real moon landing, especially since all our ex-nazi rocket experts have long since shuffled off the coil.”
“As long as they don’t get that beardy faced prick Stanley Kubrick to direct it I’m happy to be a part of it,” said Buzz Aldrin, an actor plucked from a local community theatre company in Santa Fe to play an astronaut in the Apollo 11 mission. “His endless dolly shots and insistence on using fifteen thousand candles to light Neil Armstrong’s first steps were a colossal pain the arse, plus he made me do seventy two takes of that scene where I’m bouncing around like a twat getting used to the diminished gravity.”
A proud Aldrin still shows off the fake spacesuit made from an assortment of cereal boxes sticky taped together and an upside down fishbowl.
NASA has announced that Anthony C. Ferrante, director of the blockbuster Sharknado, has been engaged to helm the filming of newest mission.
“The new fake moon landing will feature a much more diverse cast than the original,” said Ferrante as he perused the resumes of several hitmen who have applied for the job of silencing the actors once production has ended. “Instead of rows of sweaty white guys in crew cuts and short sleeved shirts staring anxiously into screens at mission control expect to see at least one Asian, a couple of Hispanics and a non-binary character. Though I’m pissed off that NASA won’t allow me to include a scene where the guy in the orbiter module gets attacked by a flying shark on the dark side of the moon.”
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