Australia’s Vegans have launched a petition to ban the Bunnings sausage sizzle, claiming the smell of burning flesh combined with the phallic shape of the sausage is off putting and offensive to the community at large.

”It’s time that Bunnings moves into the 21st century and jettisons the meat and brings in the mung beans,” said Newtown Vegan Topher Soybean. ”Not only is it good for the planet, but also to those who identify as people who are non-phallic.”

”How offensive is it to walk past a sizzling BBQ full of phallic shaped sausages and have them foisted upon you.”

When reached for comment on the proposed Bunnings BBQ ban, Beef week’s person of the decade, Barnaby Joyce was incandescent with rage, saying: ”Ban the bloody sausage, are these people serious?”

‘”What sort of country are we living in, when we can’t get a sausage at Bunnings or a root at work.”

”I tell, you this bloody woke madness is killing this country.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to give a lecture on the evils of abortion. If I can’t get a root then why should anyone else.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Business

Tags: auspol, Barnaby Joyce, BBQ, Beef Week, Bunnings, Greens, Mung Beans, News, Newtown, onions, Phallic, Sausage, Tofu, vegan, Woke