Retailers are celebrating this week after sales of lollies, puppies and white vans have surged following the implementation of the under 16’s social media ban.

”It’s been a great week at the shop, we’ve seen a heap of bigger guys all with neck beards for some reason pouring in to buy lollies,” said Dapto Sweet shop owner Elon Muskstick. ”We’re a small shop so we can only fit one or two in at a time, but boy do they buy a lot of sweets.”

”Weirdly though they all keep asking us whether or not we have a surveillance camera.”

When Vox popped outside the sweet shop about his bulk purchase of lollies and the two puppies under his arm a Dapto neckbeard said: ”Ah, look, I’m just here getting some lollies for my puppies, you know.”

”We’re now going to get in to our van and drive straight home, we won’t be driving via the school, park or local shopping centre.”

”Now, please leave me alone and don’t write down my number plate.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Social Media

Tags: Albo, Anika Wells, Anthony Albanese, Australia, Candy, Facebook, Free Candy, Insiders, Lollies, Neckbeards, Puppies, Sky News, Social Media Ban, Twitter, White Van, X