Author Archives
-
Murray Darling Cotton Inquiry Will Be Breathable and Non Allergenic
The NSW government has promised that an inquiry into the use of water by the cotton industry will be strong and comfortable and not a whitewash. “We will be hand whitewashing the inquiry first before its first proper whitewash to… Read More ›
-
“I Only Keep Playing Tennis For The Free Balls” Claims Jaded Tomic
Troubled Australian tennis star Bernard Tomic has confessed in an explosive interview on Channel 7’s Sunday Night that he only stays on the circuit because of the dozens of free tennis balls on offer. “I’d have given up the game… Read More ›
-
Malcolm Turnbull Leaves Abattoir With Sack Of Offal To Feed Far Right
Malcolm Turnbull has been spotted staggering away from a Queanbeyan abattoir with a dripping sack of offal over his shoulder during his weekly visit to gather food for the Far Right that lives in his basement. “He’s obviously terrified of… Read More ›
-
Dutton’s New Super Security Department To Target Smiths Chips, Seagulls and Gobbledoks
The makers of Smiths Chips have gone into hiding following the appointment of Peter Dutton as the head of Australia’s new super Home Affairs security ministry. “ISIS, the mafia and Russian spies will no longer be Australia’s main security concern,”… Read More ›
-
Elon Musk To Build World’s Largest Bottom Drawer To House World’s Largest Battery
South Australia will be constructing the world’s biggest bottom kitchen drawer in which to keep spares of the world’s biggest lithium ion battery, which the inventor has promised to build within 100 days. “No-one has ever attempted to build such… Read More ›
-
World Fears Enduring New Series Of M*A*S*H As Korean Tension Escalates
The world stands on the brink of having to watch a whole new season of M*A*S*H as leaders decide how to respond to Kim Jong Un’s testing of an intercontinental ballistic missile. “If war breaks out the west will have… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 