Author Archives
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Barmy Army Refuse To Sign New Contract With Cricket Australia
This summer’s Ashes tour is under threat after the Barmy Army pulled out of its contract with Cricket Australia demanding higher alcohol content in its beer and shorter hours of sunlight. “We want full strength beer, longer beer snakes and… Read More ›
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Cricket Australia Breaks Strike By Replacing Marsh Brothers With Shop Dummies
This summer’s Ashes tour will go ahead after Cricket Australia found replacements for striking cricket players, including a couple of shop dummies from Best & Less to fill in for Shaun and Mitchell Marsh. “The shop dummies don’t react to… Read More ›
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Pope Shuffles Cardinal Pell To Quieter Vatican Out In The Country
The Pope has dealt with sexual assault allegations against George Pell the traditional way by moving the cardinal to a different Vatican hundreds of kilometers away and extracting a promise that he would never be charged with sexual assault again…. Read More ›
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Spotty McSpotfaces Hit Hard By Cadburys Cyber Attack
Australia’s Spotty McSpotfaces are in a state of outrage and thousands of oompah loompahs are out of work after an attack by the Petya ransomware virus caused the Cadburys chocolate factory in Hobart to stop its production line. “My bathroom… Read More ›
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Census Reveals 14% Growth In Number Of Statistics
The amount of statistics in Australia has grown by nearly a sixth in the last five years according to the figures from the 2016 Census released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. “Although there has been a slight decline… Read More ›
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Molly Meldrum Designs Australian Citizenship English Test
The government has appointed noted orator Ian “Molly” Meldrum to administer a tough new English language test that will require new citizens to decipher the words of a James Reyne song. “The um people wanting to er um making it… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 