Author Archives
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Hogwarts Cuts Muggle Scholarships After Losing Gonski 2.0 Funding
The top private school in the wizarding sector has been forced to raise fees and stop awarding free education to selected muggles after having its funding dramatically cut under the governments new needs-based Gonski 2.0 program. “Those plants with human… Read More ›
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Healthy Harold Stumbles Out Of Club At 4am After Celebrating Funding Restoration
Much loved health education mascot Healthy Harold has been arrested after a long night bingeing on alcoholic shots, donuts and illicit drugs following the news that his planned budget cut has been reversed. “We were following up reports that a… Read More ›
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Orangutans Escape Perth Zoo To Join Ginger Pride Rally
Two escaped orangutans have been returned to their enclosure at the Perth Zoo after briefly breaking loose in hopes of making their way to the east coast in time to join next year’s Ginger Pride Rally. “They wanted to show… Read More ›
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James Ashby Accused Of Selling Overpriced Tinfoil Hats To One Nation Candidates
The CIA has released recordings from the inside of James Ashby’s head in which Pauline Hanson’s chief of staff can be heard conspiring with himself to charge One Nation members vastly inflated prices for rolls of cheap aluminium foil. “We… Read More ›
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Queensland Accidentally Gives Indian Mynahs $300M After Clerical Error
A small spelling mistake on a contract has led the Queensland government to award more than $300 million to its population of Indian Mynah birds rather than to Indian miner Adani. “I turn off Spellcheck whenever I use my computer… Read More ›
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America Gets Cracking On Building Wall Now That Trump Is Out Of The Country
America has taken advantage of Donald Trump’s first overseas trip to greatly accelerate construction of its protective border wall, hoping to have it finished in time to prevent the President’s return to the country. “I’d never really seen the value… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 