Author Archives
-
Melbourne Zoo Takes Delivery Of A Breeding Pair Of Andrew Bolts
Keepers at the Melbourne Zoo say that the recently arrived pair of endangered Andrew Bolts are settling well into their new enclosure. “We’ve given them some photos of Jeremy Corbyn to play with and this has helped distract them from… Read More ›
-
Bangladesh Tour Cancelled Due To Fears It May Have Prolonged Career Of Shaun Marsh
Cricket Australia has announced the cancellation of two match test series in Bangladesh amid concern that it might have led to a resurgence in the career of batsman Shaun Marsh. “We just couldn’t take the chance that Shaun would do… Read More ›
-
Julie Bishop’s Boyfriend Allowed Into Cockpit To See How U.N. Is Flown
The boyfriend of Australian foreign minister Julie Bishop was given an extra thrill during his partner’s visit to the United Nations General Assembly when the captain invited him into the cockpit to watch how the organisation is flown. “I got… Read More ›
-
Targeted Facebook Ads Tells Wanker What His Friends Are Too Polite To Say
A soulless algorithm determining what ads are best suited to him based upon his Facebook profile has managed to inform a Kirrawee man that he is turning into a complete and utter wanker, something his closest friends have been too… Read More ›
-
Shitty Wages Only Way To Keep Price Of Mars Bar Below $10 Claims 7-Eleven
Convenience store 7-Eleven has defended the low wages it pays its employees, saying the price of a Mars Bar would skyrocket if they were forced to raise salaries to anywhere near a living wage. “We’re struggling as it is to keep… Read More ›
-
Ice Epidemic A Bonanza For Scrawny And Sunken Eyed Actors
The current ice epidemic is proving to be a rich source of income for Australia’s most emaciated and haggard looking actors. “My agent gets three or four calls a week asking how I look going berko in a shopping mall,”… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 