Drugs Bust Finally Turns Journeyman Footy Player Into Star

football drugs

After an 11-year career consisting mostly of NSW Cup appearances and three games in first grade off the interchange bench, mediocre rugby league player Mitchell Jackson has at last seen himself described as a “star” in the newspaper after being arrested for supplying cocaine to his teammates.

“I clicked on the link myself wondering who the footy star was and it turned out to be me, ” said an elated Jackson as he cut and pasted the various headlines into his scrapbook. “Mum was on the phone first thing, saying that she was going straight down to the newsagent to buy every copy of the paper.”

Utility back Jackson currently plays for the Tuross Heads Steelers, a feeder club for the Dapto Dachshunds, themselves a feeder club for the Shellharbour Cutters, who occasionally supply players to the St George Illawarra Dragons when they have injury worries.

“Mitchell never got described as a star when he finally got a go in first grade”, said his proud dad Tony. “The only time he touched the ball he dropped it on his toe and accidentally hoofed it out on the full. Oh yeah, and he tackled a corner flag by mistake.”

Jackson is hoping to use his newfound “star” status to get himself into the second season of “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”.
“We’d be very interested in Mitchell as a contestant”, said producer Rod Starkey. “Just quietly, do you reckon he still has any of that coke lying around.”

Peter Green

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Categories: Sport

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