Abbott Calls On CSIRO To Build A Time Machine So He Can Take Out Hitler


Volunteer fire fighter, avid bathing suit-wearer and Minister for Women Tony Abbott has today called upon the country’s top scientific bureau the CSIRO to look into building a time machine that would enable Abbott to send Australian troops back in time to kill Hitler.

The bizarre request follows the Prime Minister’s sudden interest in issues of national security, both Australia’s and the rest of the world. As well as the plan to kill Hitler, the PM has also looked into taking on ISIS, Boko Haram and drawing up contingency plans for Australia to defend itself against an Alien or a Predator.

A spokesperson for the CSIRO told The (un)Australian: “Usually the Prime Minister only contacts us to tell us of a funding cut or admonish us for discussing climate change, so at least this time he actually wants us to do something.”

We pushed the spokesperson further on the validity of the request, to which he responded: “Time Travel is possible in theory though it’s highly unlikely. Then again Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey running the country also seemed unlikely at one stage too, but now it’s a reality.”

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Science

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