Gold Coast Titans To Be Rebranded ‘The Cocaine Cowboys’

football drugs

The NRL has today announced that the scandal ridden  Gold Coast Titans will be rebranded ‘The Cocaine Cowboys’ the new name will also incorporate a lucrative sponsorship deal with a rising Mexican drug cartel the Headless Chickens.

A spokesperson for the NRL told The (un)Australian of the Leagues excitement of the new deal, “When we first heard of some of our players being caught trafficking cocaine we were a bit despondent but then we realised hang on when life gives you lemons why not cut them up and put them in a Corona?”

When we pressed him on the idea of a murderous cartel of drug pushers sponsoring a Rugby League team the spokesperson replied, “In the 80’s the cigarette companies used to sponsor us, then it was alcohol, these days it’s Tom Waterhouse and his mates, name me an industry that doesn’t have the occasional murder or overdose? I mean we could chase after Apple but the way they treat their workers in China is deplorable.”

A spokesperson for the Cartel also spoke of their excitement at the new deal, “We love NRL over in Mexico, big guys on big money beating each other up and then partying hard once a week, combine that with their off field violence and they could be one of us.”

The rebranding of the Titans will also mean a new name for the North Queensland Cowboys. As yet a new name hasn’t been decided upon, however the NRL is currently in talks with some Indonesian people smugglers and Somalian Pirates over a naming rights type deal.

Mark Williamson


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