Abbott Wants A Balanced Budget in Five Years And Also A Unicorn

'It is was all very well that Triggs has her  “personal views” against forcing children to endure horrific conditions, but  as a Human Rights Commissioner, she was must be more impartial.'

‘A unicorn would be awesome!’

The Prime Minister Tony Abbott has today told colleagues of his desire to balance the budget within five years and also that he wants a unicorn for Christmas. The bizarre request came at a cabinet meeting in which the Prime Minister opened proceedings by reading out a letter he had written to Santa.

An inside source has told The (un)Australian about the bizarre start to the meeting, saying: “Usually cabinet meetings start with Christopher Pyne singing the Bob the Builder theme, but halfway through with Christopher about to sing ‘Can we fix it!’, Tony pushed him away and demanded to read out his letter to Santa. We usually wait until August to do that, but the Captain made a call and we had to go with it.”

When pressed on Abbott’s wishes of a balanced budget and a unicorn, the source seemed frazzled, saying: “He does want the impossible sometimes, I mean I don’t know if they even exist. Sure I’ve heard of balanced budgets, but haven’t seen one.”

When pressed on the unicorn, the source said, “Oh that’ll be easy, we’ll just put a party hat on one of the backbenchers and tell Tony he’s a unicorn, I mean the poor old chap still thinks Bronwyn Bishop is a character from Harry Potter.”

The government will be releasing Tony Abbott’s letter to Santa in full under the guise of the Federal Budget in May.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

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