Chinese investors have snapped up at auction all the newly available blocks of land recently created in the South China Sea, driving out poorer Vietnamese, Phillipino, Malaysian and Bruneian first homebuyers hoping to get a foothold in the overheated Spratly Islands property market.
“These islands are ideal investments considering their close proximity to transport, schools and immense naval bases”, said estate agent Greg Hairgel from First National Spratly Islands. “But I’d caution any potential buyers from the smaller nations that they might get burnt if they try to enter the market at this stage of the investment cycle, probably by some form of napalm.”
“It looks like we’ll never be able to afford to get into the market in the area where we grew up and have to start looking for a place to live much further away”, said a disappointed Philippines President Benigno Aquino. “We were hoping to maybe get an American bank to guarantee our loan, but they just whistled and looked the other way when we went in to visit them.”
The happy Chinese buyers of the latest block of land celebrated with a feng shui ritual where packets of rice were carried over the threshold and the submarine base has been aligned capture the energy of a passing dragon.