Leading figures from the Italian mafia have spoken out to quash allegations raised in last Monday night’s episode of Four Corners that they have ever had any dealings with the Liberal Party.
“We’re an honourable institution of thieves, extortionists and murderers who would never stoop so low as to do any kind of deal with the Liberal Party” said colourful Melbourne identity Vito “The Shoelace” Fitaki. “We may be crooks but we’d never associate with an organisation that covers up kiddy fiddling, wants to tear up the Great Barrier Reef and has Andrew Bolt as a supporter.”
Sources at the ABC confirm that there had been pressure to try to cancel the program from members of the underworld.
“I woke up on Sunday morning and found the head of Garnet from Saddle Club beside me in bed” confirmed ABC managing director Mark Scott. “There was a note pinned to it pleading with me not to run the program and offering me a year’s supply of olive oil and a free trip to Vegas.”
Formed in the early part of the last century and dedicated to secrecy, brutality and revenge, the Liberal Party is one of the most notorious organised political parties in the world with its tentacles now deeply embedded in big business.