Ashley Madison Hackers Probably Just Need To Get Laid


The affair matchmaking website Ashley Madison has been attacked by hackers this week in what has been deemed by IT analysts as, “a clear cut case of some nerds who really need to get laid.”

The website provides a platform for subscribers to make contact with like-minded individuals for sex, and openly states that it’s a good site to use if you wish to conduct an affair. It is this niche aspect of the website that is considered controversial and Ashley Madison’s tagline, “life is short, have an affair”, continues to cause consternation amongst the religious, the naïve and people in relationships who don’t put out anymore.

The hackers claim to be highlighting security flaws in the website, alleging that the website is not as careful with member private information as it promises to be.

However in releasing a statement claiming responsibility for the attack, the hackers couldn’t help but have a dig at the sites users by saying, “Too bad for those men, they’re cheating dirtbags and deserve no such discretion,” which clearly highlights how uptight the sexless can become.

The (un)Australian has managed to make contact with the hacking group calling itself The Impact Team. When asked if it was a bit hypocritical to be making moral judgements about people whose wider circumstances they couldn’t possibly know while engaging in theft, extortion and invasion of privacy, the anonymous hacker replied, “well at least I’m not having consensual sex.”

Other effects of the hacking attack include comments boards all over the web filling up with judgmental diatribes from sanctimonious douchebags who love everything about the judeo-christian moral code, except for the bit about not being a judgmental sanctimonious douchebag.

Ryan Crawford

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Categories: Media, Social Media

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