Uber To Begin Providing Brain Surgery

After having successfully captured a large portion of the taxi market, ride sharing network Uber is now going to take on Australia’s hospital system by starting a rival brain surgery service.

“If anyone with a car and a mobile phone can become a taxi driver than we reckon anyone with a sharpish knife and a mobile phone can become a brain surgeon,” said Uber spokesman Frederick Schuttle. “Why wait an outrageously long time on a hospital waiting list when one of our contractors might happen to be cruising past your place and be able to whip out your tumour at a time that suits you.”

“I take advantage of an algorithm that puts up the fees I can charge during peak times of demand for brain surgery, such as NRL games and big hail storms,” said Uber surgeon Justine Anders. “The best part is, the AMA can’t do a damn thing about me not being a qualified medical practitioner because all I have to say is that my client gave me permission as a friend to have a bit of a rummage around inside his head.”

Proper brain surgeons are horrified, despite the increasing number of satisfied patients currently recovering from Uber surgery.

“Brain surgery requires at least four years of university and a proper operating theatre with sterile instruments”, said renowned brain surgeon Charlie Teo. “I wouldn’t trust a guy offering a craniotomy in the backseat of his car, no matter how shiny his pen knife looks.”

Peter Green
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