Trade union royal commissioner Dyson Heydon said that while the horseless carriage would be a very handy device for transporting him to and from the TURC, he would continue to travel to work on his pony trap for the time being.
“I had been wondering why none of the evidence being put before me at the commission was related to the Federated Horse And Cart Mechanics Union and the Australian Blacksmiths and Gas Lamp Lighters Union,” said a frazzled Heydon as he attempted to work out how to use his brand new Dymo labeller. “So tell me, has Dame Nellie Melba been putting on any good shows lately?”
Heydon’s own union, the Miscellaneous Royal Commissioners and Totally Unbiased Party Patriarchs Union, has successfully won its case to be awarded triple time for Sunday work. Mr Heydon immediately announced that the TURC would now be sitting on Sundays.
Mr Heydon’s admission that he didn’t have e-mail has provoked outrage from the left.
“How on earth is he supposed to get all frothy at the mouth about people he knew nothing about two weeks ago if he doesn’t have access to social media,” said Green Left Wangaratta editor Jason Hemp. “For example, two weeks ago I had no idea who Dyson Heydon was but after scanning a few tweets I now know he is some kind of evil incarnate who must be stopped at all costs.”
An appeal against Mr Heydon’s dismissal of the charges of apprehended bias is expected to be lodged by the trade union movement. The appeal will be heard by Mr Heydon.