TV Channel’s 7, 9 and 10 have conveyed an emergency summit as figures released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) today have revealed that Australia is tipped to run out of celebrities by the year 2023.
A spokesperson from Channel 9 talked to The (un)australian about the impending crisis, saying: “We are almost at panic stations, this year we just rustled up enough celebs for a season of Celebrity Apprentice but we really scraped the bottom of the barrel on a few of them. I mean Geoffrey Edelsten was probably last relevant and functional in the 1980s, and as for his partner, well.”
The 7 network were a little more upbeat, with their spokesperson noting: “It is a worry, but we are confident that with Home and Away and rights to the AFL, we can probably squeeze out enough celebrities to get through a few more years of Dancing With the Stars. However we may have to recycle Kochie a few times”
Channel 10 could not be reached for comment, as they were last seen trawling Youtube in the hope of luring an internet sensation out to the jungle so they can produce another season of I’m a Celebrity Get Me the Hell Out Here.