Essendon Signs Ryan Crowley In Positive Move Away From Any Association With Banned Drugs


AFL club Essendon have made a decisive move away from the taint of drug scandal by signing former Fremantle tagger Ryan Crowley, with a source inside the club telling The (un)Australian that “we really needed a clean skin here to move forward”.

The source said the thing that most impressed them with Crowley, on top of the 31-year-old’s experience, was his record of being extra careful to never allow banned substances into his system.

“Look obviously we understand no one is perfect,” the source said, “and yeah, there was that 12 month suspension for using a banned substance way back in… god when was it? 2015? But no one is going to make a big deal about a minor thing like that from so long ago.”

The source described Crowley’s signing as a “positive step forward” on par with its signing of John Worsfold as its new coach. “We picked ‘Woosha’ as it was very important, as a club, that we choose a man who has never coached a scandal-hit club associated in any way with any sort of ‘drug culture’,” the source explained.

The move came as the AFL continues to grapple with the fall out of the shock WADA decision to suspend 34 current and former Essendon players over use of a banned supplement at the club. Shock waves reverberated after ex-Bombers coach James Hird dropped an unexpected bombshell in an ABC interview on Sunday night when he insisted he did not believe he was personally responsible.

Not all AFL fans are upset by recent developments. With the banning of 12 current Essendon players throwing the once-powerful club’s season into disarray, Carlton fans are jumping for joy at the strong prospect of merely coming second last in 2016.

Carlton fan Mario Colosimo, owner of a cafe on Lygon Street, told The (un)Australian: “Yeah mate, I’m totally pumped for 2016. With this Bombers stuff we’re a sure thing not to win the wooden spoon again.

“Plus I like the look of Brendan Bolton as a coach, with a bit of luck and no big injuries, we could even make it to 16th or 15th, I reckon. You want any sugar with your long black?”

Carlo Sands

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