Lockout Laws To Be Expanded To Cover Pet Shops And RSPCA To Protect NRL Players

pet store

Sydney’s controversial lockout laws, which prevent entry to a licensed establishment after 1:30 am, will be expanded next week to include pet shops, the RSPCA and any residence that houses a canine.

The change has been brought in to protect NRL players from the temptation of performing simulated sex acts on dogs, following Mitchell Pearce’s most recent indiscretion.

Former rugby league player, Rex ‘Squirrel Grip’ Glassop, spoke to The (un)Australian about the new move, saying: “Look mate, it’s time the media eased up on these blokes, I mean we’ve all been there, drunk at a party looking for love and seeing a poodle. And these dogs put it out there with their barking and leg humping, I mean for all we know the dog might have propositioned Pearce, locking the dogs up is the only way to stop this.”

NRL officials were contacted for comment on the Pearce case and calls for pet shop lockouts, but were too busy banging their heads against a brick wall repeatedly.

The NRL season will commence in March, with the next NRL player scandal tipped to happen before then.

Mark Williamson
www.twitter.com/MW__Oh

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