Grant Hackett Records Personal Best Public Embarrassment.


Swimmer Grant Hackett has gotten over his disappointment at not recording an Olympic qualifying public embarrassment during the Australian trials by recording a PB during a flight from Adelaide to Melbourne.

“I was really hoping to cause a big enough scandal in Adelaide to get picked for Rio but despite hanging out with James Magnussen for the whole week I wasn’t able to trash a hotel room or get hyped up on Stilnox,” said Hackett as he lay slumped in a chair at Tullamarine airport. “But with the pressure off I was able to dig deep and produce some truly world class hooliganism, unfortunately too late to get myself into the squad.”

Critics have noted that the ready availability of smart phones with cameras have made it much easier for modern day athletes to record a public embarrassment.

“Back in her day Dawn Fraser was able to create a public embarrassment without the assistance of social media,” said former swimming coach Cec Goggles. “These days footage of her shimmying up a pole in Tokyo and pinching a Japanese flag would be all over the internet but back in 1964 you just had to rely on her word that she’d been out and about acting like a hoon.”

Despite Hackett not making the team Australia’s swim officials are confident of being among the medals in public embarrassment at the Olympics.

“James Magnussen will still be there albeit not as an individual competitor but as part of a relay team of troublemakers,” said Australian swim team coach Nobby Chlorine. “Hopefully some of our younger swimmers will have had the chance to pick Grant’s brain about how to get caught wandering around a casino late at night wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of jocks. I’m betting on those Campbell sisters setting some kind of world record if neither of them manages to get gold in the pool.”

The latest public embarrassment is not expected to dent Hackett’s career as a corporate motivational speaker.

Peter Green

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