Donald Trump was bundled from the stage by the Secret Service at his Nevada rally after reports that a man in the crowd was not carrying a gun.
“We were afraid that a member of the audience might have been about to hurl an idea in Mr Trump’s direction and took steps to protect him,” said Secret Service operative Clyde Liddy. “Fortunately for Mr Trump we have been trained to identify all threats to his ego and to throw ourselves in the path of anything likely to give him any kind of sense of perspective.”
“I thought there was something odd about the way the guy wasn’t frothing at the mouth,” said Trump supporter and eyewitness Jolene McGruder. “So we all started beating him up and sure enough when we opened his sports bag it contained a sandwich, a set of sweaty gym clothes and a book. A BOOK.”
Reports of other sinister looking men hanging around the rally turned out to be a false alarm when it was revealed the sinister looking men were Trump’s sons Eric and Donald Jnr.
“We search everyone going into the rally to make sure they’re carrying a weapon but somehow this guy managed to slip by,” said embarrassed door staffer Cheryl Dean. “He fooled us by holding his finger in the shape of a gun underneath his jacket. Luckily those Secret Service guys were able to bundle Donald away before any serious damage was done to his self esteem.”