Australia’s gingerbread men and women have come out in protest against a proposed sugar tax that will end up costing them an arm and a leg.
“If bakers start using less sugar we’ll be the first to suffer,” complained Maroochydore gingerbread man Fred Smartie. “Should they decide to skimp on the length of our legs we’ll lose our greatest asset, the renowned ability to run run run as fast as we can.”
“Obesity is the greatest health crisis facing gingerbread men and a sugar tax will hopefully lead to bakers making much thinner ones,” said Dr Cindy Icing, expert in gingerbread man nutrition. “The danger is that instead of making less bulky gingerbread men bakers will instead resort to just lopping off a limb or two.”
Barnaby Joyce has weighed into the national debate on sugar tax saying that he has a much simpler solution to the obesity crisis that won’t affect the livelihood of cane farmers.
“Just picture me naked whenever you feel hungry and I guarantee it will put you completely off your food,” said the leader of the Nationals. “Eat less, exercise more and create a mental image of my pudgy torso. In fact, instead of a sugar tax I propose that every can of soft drink sold in this country has a naked picture of me on the label. Diabetes would disappear overnight, along with the country’s sex drive.”