An embarrassed Aussie teen is desperately trying to save his reputation as a cool guy after being humiliatingly cleared of drug possession during a schoolies week trip to Bali.
“That was so a massive bag of evil drugs that I was carrying around with me that I was just about to snort up my nose like a bad-ass,” said red faced Perth teen Jamie Murphy after being released by jeering authorities. “When the cops asked me if the bag of white powder was mine I looked around to see if any girls were within earshot and then said very loudly that of course it was.”
“Let this be a warning to any young Australian travelling overseas that if you are not caught in possession of drugs you run the risk of being considered a bit of a softcock,” said foreign minister Julie Bishop. “Look at the case of Schappelle Corby who had to work for years and years to clear her name as an absolute party animal.”
Bali detectives confirm that Murphy was arrested after spending several hours standing out the front of the Police station at Kuta Beach swinging a large plastic bag full of Omo over his head and yelling out “I’ve got lots of drugs, I’ve got lots of drugs”.
“Jamie would definitely have preferred to spend a year in an Indonesian prison rather than have it get out that he’s never taken drugs in his life,” said his best mate Davo. “He’s now got to spend the rest of schoolies getting his hair braided on the beach whilst the cool kids walk past him whispering and pointing out what a serious nerdlinger he is.”