The state of Tasmania will now be celebrating Australia Day on the 29th of December to honour the birth date of moustachioed test cricket legend David Boon.
“Australia Day should be a cause for celebration for all citizens of Australia and recognising Boonie’s birthday enables us to do so without causing grief and alienation to a significant chunk of the population,” said Melvin Mowbray, chair of the Tasmanian Australia Day Committee. “I might have been more inclined to keep the date as January the 26th if someone showed me evidence of Governor Phillip sinking 52 cans of VB during a 24 hour period during the voyage of the first fleet, but alas he sounds like a bit of a boring fart who might have sunk half a day’s rum ration at most at Christmas.”
“The Australian Chamber of Commerce fully supports moving Australia Day to December 29th as no-one ever gets any work done between Christmas and New Year’s anyway so it saves us the hassle of having to squeal like stuck pigs about giving workers a public holiday on that date,” said Susan Pitbull from the peak employer’s body. “Plus Boonie embodies Australia’s place in the world as the country that always puts its hand up to field at short leg.”
The move follows Fremantle City Council’s decision to move Australia Day celebrations to January 28th to honour the birth of former Australian captain Monty Noble.
“I don’t like it,” complained One Nation leader Pauline Hanson. “Australia Day is a sacred day where communities get together and hold cow pat throwing competitions and hoons proudly roam the streets with Australia flag capes looking for fights. At least can we change it to June 3rd to honour cricketer David Ogilvie. I identify with him because he’s a useless redhead from Queensland too.”