The energy minister has backtracked on plans to introduce a scheme aimed at limiting emission of utter bollocks about climate change after protests from prominent nutbars.
“We had been looking into a scheme that rewarded people whose emissions on the subject were based on science and sound economic reasoning,” said Josh Frydenberg in a statement that would have drawn heavy fines for its own high level of bullshit emissions. “Unfortunately some of the heaviest emitters are on our own backbench or are key members of the senate and they balked at us considering any kind if bullshit pricing scheme.”
“I’d go bankrupt in half an hour if the government tried to put a price on me spouting whatever rubbish floats through my brain at any given moment,” said One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts. “Anyway, what’s the point of limiting my bullshit emissions when the overseas conspiracy theory sites I spend hours surfing on every night can keep on emitting unhindered.”
The current bullshit credit scheme allows high producers of rabid climate change denial to build libraries in the Amazon rainforest to achieve a bullshit neutral status.
Meanwhile, supporters of the Adani coal mine have been given special permission to release higher than usual volumes of climate bullshit.
“My opinion that manmade climate change is non existent is based on a sober assessment of all the available science,” said a random Queenslander. “If the conclusion I came to happens to fit in nicely with my job as head of public relations for the Adani coal mine that’s just a happy coincidence.”