Scientists from NASA today excitedly announced the discovery of something in space that is hopefully interesting enough to keep them funded for the next ten years.
“The discovery of seven, yes you heard me right mate, seven new planets out there in outer space that might look something like earth is a major new coup in our search for ways to stay relevant,” said NASA head telescope guy Ralph Amadore. “Based on slight variations in light waves from a distant star we’ve already commissioned one of the best artists from the panel van painting industry to produce a full colour recreation of the surface of one of the planets that we can plaster all over the internet.”
“We realise that Buzz Aldrin isn’t going to live forever so we need to be able to trot something new out every now and then to impress the dudes in charge of the purse strings in Washington,” said NASA head accountant Tessa Racked. “Every year we scour college campuses looking to recruit the best and brightest graduates in the public relations industry, oh and a couple of astronomy students as well.”
After holding their breaths in anticipation of NASA’s latest announcement, fans of outer space exploration were slightly disappointed to learn that it was of yet more planets.
“Big whoop. Planets. I was expecting at least some fucking aliens after all the build up,” said North Rocks NASA enthusiast Wayne Mork. “There’d better be some monsters or spaceships in their next big announcement or I’m going to cancel my subscription to Omni.”
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