Mike Baird Appointed To NAB Staff Social Committee

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Mike Baird has been appointed to the NAB staff social committee on his first week at his new job working for the banking giant. Not resting on his laurels he has already made sweeping changes, the most noticeable of which is cancelling all Friday night after work drinks.

In some swift internal reforms, all staff parties are to be alcohol free, and must wrap up by 10 pm or staff will face sanctions from management.

As a measure to combat any backlash from the changes, Baird has introduced new break-out zones in all NAB offices and banks, where staff and customers can engage in a variety of activities, such as roulette, blackjack, and baccarat.

“I just want to make the environment feel like home”, Baird said in an internal memo, “and nothing says home like strict rules and regulations, and legalised gambling”.

Baird’s appointment to Chief Customer Officer is in response to his stellar role as NSW Premier, and knowing exactly what his audience wanted.

NAB is now looking to introduce “Motorway Queues” at their branches, where privatised, fast-tracked lanes will allow customers to be served marginally faster.

In order to help execute improved customer focus, Baird has removed the phone from the desk of all employees under the age of 35, and was heard muttering “who gives a shit what they think”.

NAB share price has sky rocketed after the appointment, although most of that was due to James Packer’s lofty investment in the bank.

G K Kidd

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