Millennials should stop complaining and get themselves a better paying job if they want to afford to live in a more comfortable make of car according to a Liberal Party candidate for preselection in an upcoming by-election.
“Find yourself a good job that pays good money and you could upgrade from a Datsun 180b coupe to a 1965 Holden EH station wagon with room to stretch your legs right out,” said cafe owner Rick Von Sloneker who is campaigning for endorsement as the candidate for the state seat of Manly. “Instead of feeling like they’re entitled to be living in a kombi van in a nice beachside carpark today’s young folk should skip their smashed avocado and get to work earning enough for a deposit on something with at least six months rego on it and a good heater for those cold winter nights.”
“If the current generation of kids want to own their own car to sleep in they should consider moving to the country,” said Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce. “Every farmer I know has at least two or three rusting old vehicles sitting on their front lawns that would make perfect first homes once you clear the weeds and snakes out of them.”
“We’re considering a tax on people who park their cars empty in their driveways overnight without considering that they could be used to house a whole family,” said Victorian premier Daniel Andrews. “Instead of having to find an overnight parking spot in a secluded industrial estate I envision a future where the state’s workforce could kip down overnight in luxury car dealers closer to where their jobs are.”