Mark Ellis has agreed to resign as a candidate for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation after it was revealed that he had been mowing swastikas into his back lawn whilst his neighbours were trying to sleep in on a Sunday morning.
“We were fine with a little light kidnapping in Mark’s background and what small businessman hasn’t threatened to kill the odd employee or two, but we draw the line at him firing up the Victa and making an unholy racket when the rest of the street is trying to sleep off a big night on the cans,” explained Pauline Hanson as she reluctantly accepted Ellis’s resignation. “He’d previously used his leaf blower to shape a pile of leaves into a Hitler face but that was fine because he did that on a Tuesday afternoon and didn’t interrupt anyone’s lie in.”
“I had a big day ahead of me because not only did I have the lawns to do I also wanted to trim my hedge into the shape of the Hindenburg and plant some petunias into an SS insignia,” admitted Ellis as he recalled the incident. “Next time I’ll know better and use the whippersnipper.”
Hanson is expected to announce the new candidate for the seat of Macalister as soon as she can haul a random nuffy in off the street.