Wearing the traditional blackface and decked out in his finest Nazi uniform, Prince Harry was today crowned the new Head Royal Racist in an official ceremony at Buckingham Palace after Prince Philip’s surprise abdication yesterday.
Although many royal watchers were taken aback by the Duke of Edinburgh’s shock announcement, which kept the normally docile social media platform Twitter in a frenzied state for hours, few were surprised to see Prince Harry rise.
“He has been groomed for this for years,” a Buckingham Palace source told The (un)Australian. “The Duke took Harry under his wing from a young age after catching him racially abusing his Pakistani nanny one day, teaching all about the importance of timing in dropping inappropriate racially charged insults so as to cause maximum diplomatic fall out.”
A philosophical Prince Philip confided to The (un)Australian that he’d been thinking for some time about the need to hand over the swastika-shaped baton a younger generation. “At 95, I’m just not as sharp as I used to be. There’s been so many changes in the racism game and I’m struggling to keep up with all these new foreigners to insult.
“I mean, I’m as quick as the next bigot to have a go at your wogs and fuzzy wuzzies, but I don’t even know what to call the Polish bloke who does the plumbing around the palace these days. Is he a wop, a spic or some new fangled abusive term these millennials have invented?”
The Duke said the issue more important than ever with a new rise of racism associated with Brexit, making it the ideal time to step aside. “It’s a new era now. I am confident young Harry can give it out to whichever foreigners are left once the Brexit-related expulsion of migrants is finished. I guess he’ll always have the Welsh at least.”