A lost Deliveroo contract has admitted that it can’t find its address after several weeks of cycling frantically around the neighbourhood.
“Damn it, there’s a Smith Street and a Smith Crescent in this suburb,” said the frustrated contract as it tapped desperately on the intercom of a giant apartment block. “This workplace agreement is going to be cold by the time I’m finished and I’ll have to pay for it. Bugger, this is 42a and I need to be at number 42.”
The new contract is considerably heavier than previous contracts, which has slowed down the delivery.
“There’s a clause inside me that says the Deliveroo rider has to cook dinner for you and do the washing up if the customer isn’t happy or stubs their toe on the way to the front door,” said the contract. “There’s also something about the company now owning my eternal soul, which is written in goat’s blood and is dripping on me out of the big cube on my back.”
The contract was just about to be delivered when it realised it forgot the complimentary prawn crackers and had to return to the restaurant.