Following news that Scientists have discovered water on the planet Mars American President Donald Trump has launched a verbal assault on the planet and threatened to put tariffs on it’s water.
“My role as President is to get the best deal for the people of America,” said the President. “So Mars you just can’t waltz on in and try and take away jobs from hard working American bottled water makers with your fancy space water.”
“We let you sell your Mars bars so don’t push us with your water. Otherwise I’ll hit you where it hurts with a tariff or three.”
News of the President’s attack on Mars has been rejoiced by Fox news who said of the attack: “Strong words from a strong President. If you’re against the US attacking Mars then why don’t you go and live there you damn anti-fa hippie.”
Whilst the rest of the media was more circumspect with most thankful that life hadn’t yet been discovered on Mars.
Mark Williamson
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The (un)Australian 
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