An embarrassing faux pas led to the assassination squads arranged by both Prince Andrew and Bill Clinton arriving at the same time at Jeffrey Epstein’s jail cell to carry out the hit, an inquiry has been told.
“It was really awkward and led to some tense negotiations over who had first dibs,” said former SAS special operative Barclay “Snuffy” Smythe from the Prince Andrew squad. “Prince Philip had gotten the old gang back together from the Princess Diana job and we were all looking forward to a good old fashioned silencing of someone who’d rubbed up the palace the wrong way when we came across these American chappies in the corridor who had pretty much the same intentions.”
“We went scissors, paper, rock… or rather scissors, paper, rock spider… over who got the job,” said Colonel Mike “Bloodguts” Reilly from the Clinton squad. “We weren’t going to let no god-damn brits take the glory and luckily we won. I’ve had the whole crew from the Vince Foster job in training for months.”
It was also revealed that a hit squad put together by Donald Trump had mistakenly descended upon James Buchanan High School in an effort to assassinate Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter.
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