Local Introvert Feeling Really Positive About Things Right Now


As much of the world follows global News with growing trepidation, one local introvert has expressed just how happy they are at the prospect they’ll not be asked to go anywhere with crowds anytime in the foreseeable future.

“This corona virus thing is looking like a godsend,” the reclusive-by-nature introvert told The (un)Australian last Saturday night via Whatsapp from their bed whilst stroking their cat. “Now I have a totally legitimate medical excuse to bail on any engagement involving…well, anyone else.

“I’d already had a good couple of months avoiding social interaction outside my house by pointing out Sydney’s shocking air quality from the fires and my mild asthma, but with the rain literally dousing that excuse I was getting worried I might not be able to turn down the next invitation to a birthday party or wedding involving a close friend or relative without seeming like an arsehole.

“But now I can just quote the latest WHO bulletin. Thank god for soon-to-be-declared pandemics!”

In a worrying development, however, new reports are emerging that the introvert could “finish” Netflix by the end of the month.

Carlo Sands

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