ACT Police have today announced that they will launch an investigation into the mysterious stab wounds that have appeared in the back of the current vice chancellor of Canberra University.

The investigation was announced on the same day that former Labor Leader, Bill Shorten, was announced as the successor to the Vice Chancellor of Canberra University.

”At this stage it is an open investigation so we will not be commenting to the media,” said a Spokesperson for the ACT Federal Police. ”However, if you’d like to sign up to our Only Fans account, then we may deliver hot exclusive leaks, for as low as $10.95 a month.”

Mr Shorten could not be reached for comment, he was last seen at his happy place, the King Of Knives store Belconnen.

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

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Categories: Politics

Tags: ACT, Albo, Anthony Albanese, ANU, auspol, Bill Shorten, Canberra, Canberra University, CanPol, Gravy Train, Insiders, Politics, QandA, Retire, Vice Chancellor