Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has told colleagues that he is refreshed and ready to hit the campaign trail after spending the weekend indulging in his favorite hobby, physically hurting people.

”Look, week one wasn’t my best, but, I think we can all agree that Anthony Albanese is to blame for that,” said the member for Dixon. ”Now, that I’ve spent the weekend hurting a few people and caused some pain, I am ready to campaign.”

”You should have seen the blood flow from that cameraman, brought a tear of joy to my eye.”

When asked how he planned to get his seemingly sinking campaign back afloat, the Opposition leader said: ”This should be a question you put to the Nation’s press. I mean how dare they question me and demand detail.”

”They need to go back to how they were pre-campaign, groveling and grateful to indulge my thought bubbles.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy some footballs just in case I need to bring the press back in to line.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: AFL, Albo, Anthony Albanese, AusElection, auspol, Cameraman, Football, Gina Rinehart, Insiders, Monster, Not A Monster, Peter Dutton, QandA, QLDPol, satire, Sky News